Big Bear Woman

(Sunday May 12, 2008)

My efforts to go skinny dipping have failed. I'm under the Deep Creek Bridge and as the name implies, you can go swimming in the river. No one was around when I got here so I decided after lunch I was going to go for a swim. Then when I was finishing off the last of my cheddar slices, a couple I passed before came down off the path and started fishing on the other bank...Damn.

Speaking of nakedness, I was in K-Mart the other day looking for fuel for my stove. I had already been to two grocery stores and Rite Aid, and the couple offering me a ride to the trailhead from Big Bear were waiting, so I walked in and went right for the first employee I saw, which was a woman working the jewelery counter.

"Excuse me, ma'am? I was wondering if you could tell me where the sporting goods department is."

She starts answering without looking and I notice my pants are a little loose, so I go to adjust the belt and a finger slips into my wide open fly. Now this normally wouldn't be a big deal, but since I hike sans underwear, I didn't want to offend Gladys' delicate sensibilities. So before she directs her full attention, I break the world record for zipper closing and she's never the wiser.

Speaking of being exposed, I was walking around Big Bear Lake the day before I left, checking out the food and shops, and I decided to go into this one called Rejoyce.

It was a women's store, but I figured I might find something to send someone as a gift, so I wandered around, smelled some soaps and candles, thought about grabbing an old cigarette case that someone could use as a wallet, and then chatted up the saleswoman who suggested a real wallet and talked to me about real estate prices (affordable area, great place to live, lots to do and see, so if you're in the mood for a change of scenery, Big Bear is for you).

I went to pay with my credit card, but this ws one of the five places in America that actually tries to protect its customers' cards from fraudulent use, and I had hapened to forget mine at the hostel. I told her I'd be right back and left to get it.

I walk into the store, ID in hand and up to the register, but no one's there. I turn around to scan the store and directly to my left is an open dressing room and a hefty denizen of Big Bear standing topless trying on a shirt.
But right then, all I saw were the outer edges of two sagging breasts and some pale rolls poking out from behind the saleswoman who thankfully blocked my view while trying to help the woman out.

I turned on my heel immediately and said "Sorry!" while the saleswoman, in a Sherlockian bit of deduction, yelled "Oh! There's customers in the store!" I guess she forgot that even though the store was empty, it was still open for business.

As I was paying, the woman in the dressing room walks out. "I don't like the shirt. It doesn't look good. It's too small."

Lady, you don't have to tell us twice.