Eat It Pocahontas

(Tuesday June 3, 2008)

Nobody else on the porch really understood the horrendousness of it, but this morning I had to witness the most awful track practice in recent memory. Actually, I never got to witness the St. Joe's women's team playing soccer so this would be the worst practice I've ever seen.

There were two guys and one girl actually giving an effort and running. The rest (who would be barred from even signing up for my team if I were the coach and who would all have been summarily beheaded if I witnessed what I'm about to describe) were walking downhill and frying the brain cells of all in earshot with a rousing rendition of the theme song from Pocahontas.

And of course when I hiked out the next day, you can imagine what song was stuck in my head. I tried asking the grinning bobcat why he grinned, but he just hissed at me. And I think we're a bit too early on the trail to hear wolves crying. But I'm fucked if I need to know what a blue corn moon is or when and where it rises. The wind has no colors to paint witth that I'm aware of, but I will say that I have heard the voices of the mountain.

I told you about that time I thought I heard two people having a conversation above me but I climbed up and it was just a windy ridge. Well just today I swear I heard two female voices behind me, so I stop, look around and I'm standing in the middle of an absolutely silent forest. Weird how that works.

I also heard a noise that sounded like someone blowing into an empty bottle, but if the bottle were the size of a barrel. Then I heard an old rotary phone ringing, but that turned out just to be a woodpecker. So at least I'm not fully crazy.

As for the track team, I never saw them again, but hearing the Pocahontas song not only had it repeating in my head but causing me to remember all of the history lessons about Pocahontas' tribe and their relationship with the English settlers which then (ridiculously) caused me to go on a mental tirade about how the Disney movie just perpetuates the myth that Pocahontas was able to save John Smith with some last second heroics.

Ok, beheading is harsh. Maybe 20 lashes each.