Autism Links of the Day (03.31.08)

Here's a real good database of autism links from iReport, 11 pages worth. It's mostly blog features on people living with autism, but I always find those more interesting than the science-heavy stuff.

Toys R Us, Chevrolet, TJ Maxx, Modell's, Barnes & Noble, The Bachmann Company, Build-a-Bear and other companies are teaming with Autism Speaks to raise money during April which is Autism Awareness Month. Autism Speaks has information about the promotions at their website, but here's a press release for some general info.

David Savill, an English guy with Asperger's, created Naughty Auties, a virtual autism resource center in Second Life that they hope will help individuals with autism through virtual interaction.

Down the Hatch

Just in case anyone didn't get the Facebook invite, I'm having a going away party April 12 at Down the Hatch in New York. It's $20 all-you-can-drink and free wings from 1:00pm-6:00pm. If you didn't get the invite and want to come just let me know.

I originally booked it for 7:00pm-10:00pm, but Down the Hatch's regular special is cheaper, goes for longer and you get free wings. All the more reason to show up.

We Watched the Ravens Find All the Eggs

Easter Egg Hunt
One Easter I hid the colored hard-boiled eggs outside. James soon woke up and went searching for his Easter basket. He was busy examining its contents when a large black raven flew past the picture window with a brightly colored egg in its claws. Then another raven flew past. We stood at the window and watched the ravens find all the eggs.

- Crow
As the Crow Flies

We Have Liftoff

My minions, we have our first donation courtesy of my good friend Matt.


Ladies, he's single and currently serving our country in the Sooner State. Wrangle this wild one if you dare.

First Grade Feeds the Hungry Thing

Somehow I ended up with the only existing record of Mrs. Brandli's class' attempts to feed the Hungry Thing. Well for 1990 anyway. I'm sure this lesson was repeated until her retirement, but I can guarantee that all subsequent classes would be considered street trash in comparison with our glorious body of work.

If you're wondering (and I know you are), this is the Hungry Thing and he's resting on a set of sheets that were just changed for the first time in almost two months:


He's your average blue blob and of course, as all blue blobs are, he's a dead beat looking for a hand out. Worse, he's trying to take advantage of seven-year-olds and Mrs. Brandli is encouraging it.

Just look at his smug face:

What kind of blob gets to be 500 lbs. by being hungry? And on top of that, is hungry with a smile? The kind of blob that knows how to work the system for a hand out that isn't his.

But who am I kidding? I'm in favor of universal healthcare...and now we know why!

So, brainwashing adolescents with liberal propaganda aside, when the Hungry Thing came to Hillcrest Elementary School, he wanted one thing only. No foreplay, right to business. "Give me what's in your damn lunch boxes or I'm shoving my blue toes in your mouth!" Or at least that's what I would have said if I were a hungry blue beast with only 20 first graders and an senior citizen first grade teacher standing between me and piles of food.

But this Hungry Thing was nicer than me, so he showed up with a smile and politely said...actually he didn't say anything. Mrs. Brandli wrote that he just showed us his sign. Maybe blue blobs are genetically predisposed to vocal chord diseases.

So like good little boys and girls, we did all we could to please this stranger who was in need of our assistance. Everyone made something, and just in case he wasn't as nice as he seemed, we made him every kind of food imaginable. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, sides - he got it all. Carrots, ice cream, fish, pizza, cake, cupcakes, spinach, hot dogs and popcorn.

He also got some pudding on a nice red and black tablecloth,


a bowl full of eggs,

a peanut butter-less PB&J,


grenades and/or pineapples,


and a muffin holding a rifle and weeping into a puddle...I'm sorry, I read that wrong. This one's pancakes.


The kid that picked rice didn't really leave himself much to work with. He probably loved Uncle Ben's and asked his mom to make it every night, but I doubt he considered what a struggle it would be to adequately capture rice's image via crayon. He should have just left the page blank and said it was a close-up.


My personal favorite is the mix of blue and brown cookies. Shouldn't Nabisco have already come out with something like this? I'm betting they'd fly off the shelves.


There was also a writing aspect involved in feeding the Hungry Thing that went like this:

I'll feed him fryanide
Sounds like myanide
I mean cyanide

There was some purpose to it, but I can't figure out what it was. It sounds like a rhyming lesson, but aren't you past rhyming by first grade? Rhyming seems like a pre-school and kindergarten thing. Where's The Witch when you need her? She could help me out with this one.

The kid that made hot dogs originally tried to feed the Hungry Thing pot pogs and wot wogs. Still cracks me up to this day.

My entry was decidedly middle of the road. No bouillabaisse, no ratatouille, no sloppy joes. I went with your standard cereal. It gets the job done, but it's not very exciting. However, the Hungry Thing did get to eat using a massive black spoon out of a see-through bowl on a levitating table.


On second thought, I see some brown milk, so maybe I was thinking cocoa puffs. That doesn't make much sense though because I'm not a fan of cocoa puffs. We'll just say it is to snazz up my two-steps-up-from-bottom-of-the-barrel effort.

So finally, after 17 meals, the Hungry Thing decided that he'd had enough. He even got a stomachache according to Mrs. Brandli, but he didn't let it show as he smiled and wrote us a


You know, the Hungry Thing has got some pretty good dental hygiene for being in such desperate straits. Those are some awfully white teeth for someone who goes around begging first graders to cook for him.

Wait a minute. Wait a goddamn minute. Did anyone else see this? I just noticed it. Look at the chain holding up his sign. Solid gold. What a swindling bastard.

Try looking at his face now and see if you think it's grateful. His sign might as well say "You got took, bitches!"

I want my mereal back.

Thanks for the Advice

"Brad, I know that you could physically go out tomorrow and run a marathon. But you'd be dead afterwards. That's what the hike is going to be like. I want you to put 40 pounds on your back and go out and hike 30 miles in a day. You could do it, but you're not going to be able to walk the next day."

I can safely say that after having started my practice hiking that the person who gave me that bit of wisdom is full of shit.

After two weeks of hiking at least once per day (minus the time in Vegas) with anywhere from 15 to 35 pounds on my back, I've come to the conclusion that anyone, regardless of how good or bad of shape they're in, can decide to pick up a bag and go out and hike. It might be a different story if you have a bad back, but that's really the only caveat I can think of.

The key is hiking your own pace. Out of all the advice and tips that I've read, that bit seems to be the most helpful. When you decide to do something that your body isn't ready or willing to do, that's when you get hurt. Hike too fast, you're going to get hurt. Don't rest enough, you're going to get hurt. Don't plan out your food and water breaks, you're going to get hurt. All it takes is listening to your body.

The problem for me is that walking is a slow process. It will get you where you need to go, but it takes forever. Yesterday I hiked just over five miles and it took me 2 1/2 hours. Running, will take you 35 and you can drive that in five, but then again, that's not the point.

Only now am I beginning to realize how antsy I am and that became very clear to me when I went on my first practice hike. I decided to take it easy and go for two miles or so in the morning before work. The whole thing took about 45 minutes and after I hit 20 minutes, I had this overwhelming feeling of "gotta go, gotta get there, gotta go go go go finish now!" And I felt myself walking faster and faster and had to consciously slow down, telling myself to relax two or three times.

That might be the biggest adjustment once I get out to California, having nothing but hiking on my schedule for 5-6 months straight. Whether it is or not, my day always feels filled with tasks to be completed. Gotta update my blog, gotta hike, gotta stretch, gotta go to Shop Rite, gotta get gas, gotta go hang out at someone's house, gotta do this and that and this and that.

They're tiny things that really mean nothing and aren't actually things-to-do that I've put down on a list. But I know they're out there and that at some point they've got to be done, so I begin thinking of all possible things combined into one giant whole of tasks-to-be-completed, I get overwhelmed and my ability to plan starts to shut down.

Once I'm on the trail, the only thing I have to worry about is getting to the next town, going the next 15-20 miles and that's about it. No job, no car, no places to be except heading northbound. There's going to be nothing driving me forward other than attempting to complete the trail. No need to rush, no need to get anything done, no items on a schedule to check off. Wake up, eat, hike, rest and eat, hike, stop for dinner, hike, sleep, repeat.

The other day I was struggling to get my water bottle out of the side pocket of my bag. I don't want to stop, but because the bag is strapped tight to me, I can get my fingertips on it, but can't reach far enough to grab a hold of it.

I'm fighting with it for about a quarter mile, I'm getting angry because I just want to drink some goddamn water but...this...fucking...bag...won't cooperate! So I prop the bag up on top of someone's fence, take it off and rip the water bottle out of the pocket. I sit there and drink for a minute or two, put the bottle back in the pocket, strap up and keep walking.

Then I think to myself, "Why didn't I just do that in the first place?" It was almost as if I was unconsciously listening to that 30 mile mandate, telling myself to keep walking when there was no reason I couldn't stop. There was nothing necessitating that I keep on walking, but I just felt like I had to, that I'd be wasting time if I had to stop and take off my bag.

Which brings me back to the point I started making a few paragraphs ago - you've got to hike your own hike. Once the bag was off, I calmed down, got some energy back from the water, gave my shoulders a break and felt refreshed. So now when I need a break, I take a break. If I want to stop and look around or just listen to the sounds in the woods, I do it. What's stopping me?

So in the unlikely event that you get the 2,650 mile itch, don't listen to the idiot that tells you to try a 30 mile day first to see if you can handle it. Go slow, do what your body tells you it can do, take a break every now and again, and don't curse...at...this...motherfucking...water bottle! It's only there to help.

Until Next Year

He never dies, baby. He never dies. And nobody could ever figure out why, but I just discovered the reason a few hours ago after we got sent packing by the damn Sooners.

He loves to fly back to his nest, relax through the Spring, and then take all summer to figure out how best to get our hopes up in January and February and then how to smash them on the jagged rocks at the bottom of the Schuylkill in March.

But I guess we're guilty too because we keep coming back for more.

November '09 it starts all over again.

Let's go Saint Joe's *clap clap clap clap clap*

New Mommy Rant Redesign

Our old friend 30 Minute Mommy had her site redesigned and it looks really good. Check it out. Not to mention you get to see pics of the cutest kid ever.

Autism Links of the Day
Something called sticky blood proteins have been linked to individuals with autism, but researchers aren't sure what, if anything, the body chemical has to do with autism.

The Joy of Autism - Blog of Estee Klar-Wolfond, writer, curator and founder of The Autism Acceptance Project.

Sorry, My Minions

It's been over a week for the three of you reading out there, but pardonne moi for the lapse in communication. I was in Vegas for three days working and didn't really have a chance to update.

I know what you're thinking - "How is he going to update from the trail if he can't do it in Vegas for three days?" Well here's my response to that - Eat it. I was working all day and then went out afterwards. I didn't have the time and when I did have the time, I was in no shape to post anything coherent.

If you don't believe me, check out this picture:

I don't remember taking this at all. The weird part is I remember before getting on the elevator and then afterwards, but the elevator ride itself is lost in a black hole somewhere out in a faraway galaxy.

I distinctly remember the beforehand because I followed these two people down to the casino floor from the Voo Doo Lounge at the Rio. It sounds stalkerish but so what? There'd be no story otherwise.

When I saw them dancing together I couldn't believe what I was seeing. This woman was stunning, absolutely jaw dropping. I mean your mouth practically started watering at the sight of her. Amazing. The guy on the other hand was in possession of a pretty conspicuous comb over and an overly large brown suit. So when I saw these two leaving together I had half a seizure and barely recovered in time to make it down with them.

But once they get out of the elevator, they started taking their sweet old time and I had to stand around waiting for them to make their way down the escalator to the ground floor (the Voo Doo Lounge is on the roof of the Rio and the entrance to the elevator is on the second floor). So I bide my time and take some pictures of the slot machines


and a casino worker walking by.

I've been there before. I understand the hanging around, making small talk, desperately hoping something would come of all the build up during the night. Typically I was shot down and would wallow in self loathing and misery for many sleepless nights afterward. I'm sure my mere presence had a corrosive effect and rusted his chances from the inside out. He went down in flames. Got the "It was fun!" and a This Is the End of the Line hug. I was pained by sense memory watching that one.

So then we have the elevator blank spot. Probably brain damage from drinking.

And right after getting off the elevator:

Now this I remember because as soon as I was done snapping this one, I decided it was time to find Randy. The thing is, I don't know anyone named Randy. But pounding on doors and yelling for Randy to let you in will convince anyone that you do.

After the sixth or seventh time, my hand started to hurt. And I had made my way back to the group of doors where my room was anyway so I figured I would have the common courtesy not to wake up my immediate neighbors.

And the dirt bag that I am, I didn't take a shower when I woke up the next morning. I actually didn't shower for the final two days of the three that I was there. If you think about it that way, I did get one kind of hiking related activity in. So I say again - Eat it.

The Fall of Communism

It being that Spring Break time of year, you can guess who's home this week, and knowing my nakedness theory, you know what there will be a lack of at the Schmidt residence during this second week of March. Or so I thought anyway.

I don't lock the bathroom door when I'm in there as I feel keeping an entire bathroom to myself when I'm only using it for one thing at a time is just a waste of resources. However, since no one else shares my philosophy, just my being in there is a de facto door locking. No one in my family sees eye to eye with me on this one.

I can see at least that no one wants to hang around brushing their teeth while you're taking a dump (yet no one in college had a problem as I recall), but if I'm in the shower, why not just come on in? There's complete separation via door or curtain. On top of that you've got a five to 10 minute window to accomplish your everyday bathroom tasks - brushing teeth, deodoranting, combing hair, cologning, adjusting your dentures, popping in your glass eye. Post-Mexican you might want to rethink your approach, but still, it's more than enough time to avoid witnessing a blood relative toweling those hard to reach spots.

So I continue to leave the door unlocked. Zach has come in a few times, but he still tells me that he's coming in. I won't be satisfied until someone walks in wordlessly, does their business whatever it may be and goes on their merry way (I think there's a good chance that last sentence will pop up in an X-rated Google search string in the near future).

That is until Dean walked into the unlocked bathroom while I was showering and stole all of my clothes, my towel and the floormat. He laughs and leaves, I say nothing, not wanting to give him the satisfaction but also figuring that he'll throw it all back in in a minute or so.

Minutes pass and the bathroom floor is still devoid. I figure he left it outside the door so I could grab it all without having to come out. Wrong again. I see my clothes on the couch and have to do a naked dash to grab the towel before anyone comes around the corner and sees me...except there's no towel in the pile. Bastard

Ironically, Dean's presence was now forcing me into nakedness in a house full of people. Go figure. I try to sneak into the other bathroom with the closet full of towels when my mom comes around the corner going for the same doorway.

"What are you doing?"
Dean stole my towel.
"I thought it was dirty and someone left it there so I put it downstairs." (Hands me a towel)
I need a floormat too. He stole everything.
(Laughing begins)

I tried to throw off the chains and all I got was laughed at for losing my towel. Sorry, Karl. Failed again.

I'm Excited for Old Age

I typed patellar tendonitis into Google to get the official definition and the first result that came up was Jumper's Knee. Well then. Looks like I know how I aggravated it again. Box jumps, you will be the death of me. Jumping actually caused the condition to develop in the first place.

Freshman year of high school during the try-out-five-different-events-so-the-coaches-can-see-if-you're-good-at-anything-else stage of the track season, I decided to do the high jump and ended up being pretty good at it. I cleared 5' 8" and I think I medaled in the county freshman championships. Whatever happened, the future looked bright and I expected to clear 7' by the end of my senior year.

Fast forward to sophomore year and after increasing my personal best by an Olympian two inches, it became quite apparent that there was a direct correlation between the pain in my left knee and the amount of time spent Fosbury Flopping.

I left a visit with the good old physical therapist with a diagnosis of patellar tendonitis and a free pass to stop high jumping which I had come to hate. Of course I ignored the doctor's orders to stretch and do whatever he prescribed for me, but the pain went away because I wasn't jumping which was good enough for me.

La la la la, hoola hooping through life sans knee pain until BAM! I get sidelined during the early Spring track season of my freshman year of college. Four years later after a solid summer of training cross country training, I'm running around in the hills of Northern Maryland and BAM! I'm sidelined for a week and lose two to three weeks worth of fitness. Three years later training for a 2650 mile hike and BAM! wouldn't you know?

I should have known that box jumps wouldn't be any good for me, but when you ignore a doctor's orders on how to best heal your knee 11 years ago, you're not going to suddenly remember what he said when you're drawing up a new workout plan for yourself.

Oh well. (Knock on wood) Looks like I caught it pretty early and my new PT (who I will not ignore) said I should be fine if I lay off the jumping and running, do some stim and massage, and these exercises:

Either way, I'm glad I've been having knee issues since 14. That will make for some fun times at 60.

A Lesson in Accounting Grammar

Read this passage my faithful readers:

A field in JDE now enables the receiver at the site to input a 'Receipt Date,' so even though the GL date is post-cutoff, this Receipt Date enables Carmen to pinpoint exactly which receipts, in particular the monetary value, that needs to be accrued for prior to cutoff.

I know what you're thinking. It should read "accounted for prior to cutoff." Oh ho ho would you be wrong!

What you'd never learn from your bad professors at Temple or in an accounting text book is that while "accounted" seems to be the correct term, the inventory quantities and monetary value has already been accounted for, based on the transaction in the G/L, which happens to be in the next fiscal year.

In the world of accrual accounting, dollars move around as if they had wings, and in this case, via a top-side booked accrual. Therefore, accrued and/or deferred are the correct terms.

And now, watch as my evil plan to turn an innocent kitten into an unstoppable terminator capable of laying waste to all of human civilization becomes reality!

It Tastes Like What?

After I finished working out the other day, I made a protein drink, just the powder and milk. I don't like to get fancy. And it's not ridiculous bodybuilder protein mix either with human and sea lion breast milk mixed. Whatever the generic Vitamin Shoppe mix is, that's what I get.

Usually I pick up chocolate just because I can't picture vanilla or bananas and cream being any good. Powder in the glass, milk on top, stir stir stir, drink. This was no different than any other protein drinking day except for the fact that this particular drink was the most delicious drink I've had in years. It was like sucking from God's own chocolate protein shake teat.

This drink was even better than the one day at lunch in high school when I chased the Tuscan chocolate milk dragon and won. While drinking the first down, I openly declared it to be the best chocolate milk I had ever had and then, risking eternal disappointment and endless longing for the original taste of the brown bovine, I got up and spent another 60 cents (that sounds too high doesn't it?) and was rewarded for my boldness with another icy treat from the heavens.

I'm betting something is wrong with this batch of protein. Spiked with ephedra or something. How else could it taste so good? It's probably really just chocolate milk mix, but really good stuff from an artisan chocolate maker in Switzerland or Jersey City.

So as I'm slurping loudly on purpose for my own entertainment, I remember doing the same thing back when I first moved to Mine Hill, when our kitchen had Previous Owner disease and was a brown and orange dump with an island in the middle that made it almost impossible to move around with more than two people in there at a time.

One day I was making Nestle's Quik out of the metal tin with the circular cap on top. I could never get the spoon out without clanging it against the opening and knocking mix onto the top of the tin. Instead of pushing the mix back in, I'd just blow it off, thinking that no one would notice the accumulation of repeated mix scatterings. I seriously thought the mix would go away, like dissolve or evaporate.

My favorite thing to do after making the chocolate milk was to drink the first couple of sips with the spoon. It was only the first few because after that it feels like you're wasting your time and I was too impatient to be bothered with savoring.

As I do every day of my life, I was talking to myself, in this instance about how much I love chocolate milk, and in particular, how much I love drinking chocolate milk from a spoon.

"I love it because it tastes colder and more metalier!"

The exclamation point is warranted as there was genuine excitement. I wouldn't be surprised if the excitement also caused me to break into laughable dance as happens every day of my life.

It really does taste colder, though. And metalier.

Autism Links of the Day (03.04.08)

Virtual Peers Help Autistic Children Learn
Justine Cassell, professor of communication studies and electrical engineering and computer science, and director of Northwestern’s Center for Technology and Social Behavior recently presented a preliminary study on her work with autism at a meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science.

Using data collected from studying six children with high-functioning autism aged 7 to 11 as they engaged in play during an hour-long session with a real-life child, and with a virtual peer named Sam, they found that children with autism produced more and more “contingent” sentences when they spoke with the virtual peer, while their sentences did not become increasingly contingent when they were paired with the real-life children.

The Sibling Support Project
A national effort dedicated to the life-long concerns of brothers and sisters of people who have special health, developmental, or mental health concerns. One of their more well known educational activities is Sibshops.

Nationwide Children's Hospital's Center for Autism Spectrum Disorders.
In addition to more intensive efforts, they also offer workshops modeled after the Sibling Support Project.

My Autistic Boy and Other Adventures in Fatherhood
As you can tell from the title, this is not about an autistic girl and her mother's adventures.

What I Learned from the Last Half of Pee Wee's Big Adventure - Part II

13) Favorite part I - Pee Wee getting sick of the hobo and throwing himself off the train. Sweet lord. Reporters claimed that when screening this scene, Dick Cheney snickered.

14) Who knew Pee Wee could be so inspirational?

Simone: Do you have any dreams?
Pee Wee: I'm all alone. I'm rolling a big doughnut and a snake wearing a vest...
S: No, not that kind of dream. I mean a dream you dream about all the time...and it keeps you going, dreaming about it...hoping it will come true. Do you ever have a dream like that?
P: To find my bike.
S: My dream is to live in the city of eternal love...Paris, France.
P: You'll get there, Simone.
S: I don't know.
P: Why not? What's stopping you?
S: Andy, for one.
P: Who's Andy?
S: My boyfriend. He's real jealous. He flunked French in high school and thinks that everything there is set up to make him look dumb.
P: I bet if he knew how important it is to you, he'd change his mind. Simone, this is your dream. You have to follow it.
S: I know you're right, but...
P: But what?
S: Everyone I know has a big "but."
P: Come on, Simone. Let's talk about your big "but."
S: I don't know.
P: You can't just wish and hope for something to come true. You have to make it happen.
S: I've been waiting for somebody to put it to me like that for so long.

Pee Wee, not only have you convinced a fictional 80's waitress to take up residence in Paris, but me to go on a cross country hike. Thank you, Mr. Herman. I've been waiting for somebody to put it to me like that for so long!

15) Tina the Alamo guide is, as I've mentioned, a baby vamp. However, her accent sounded so fake I thought it was a joke. But apparently she's from Georgia, so what do I know about southern accents?

16) And Pedro is working on an "adobe." Can you say that with me? Adobe.

17) Sometimes the best medicine is fake laughter:

We are now in the kitchen of the Alamo women. Here they are preparing culinary delights of the Southwest. Do I hear someone's stomach growling?

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

18) Pee Wee calls Dottie from a pay phone and asks her to wire him a bus ticket. This movie really is old.

19) If you end up with a case of temporary memory loss in Texas, just tell them you remember...the Alamo!...and you're in like a dirty shirt (Does the analogy make sense? Not much. I think I heard it somewhere. Maybe I made it up. Either way, I like it and I'm going to use it).

20) Pee Wee walks into the biker bar and no music is playing whatsoever. Give me a break.

21) Favorite part II:

Biker: I say we stomp him! Then we tattoo him! Then we hang him! And then we kill him!
Pee Wee: (throws voice) I say we let him go!
Entire gang: No!

22) A female biker grabs Pee Wee and says seductively, "I say you let me have him first."
8 year old me: "For what?"

23) The bar has neon signs for Michelob on Tap, Coors Light and some other beer that looked like Lorshs. Could have been Grolsch. I couldn't make it out.

24) Favorite part III - Laugh 1 - It is clearly not Pee Wee on the motorcycle; Laugh 2 - I become a giggling school girl when he crashes through the billboard.

25) Kids watching the clown dream sequence in the hospital are going to be freaked the F out. I remember hating this scene years ago and it's still weird and uncomfortable today. I don't have a problem with clowns, but I wouldn't be surprised if they were ruined for a lot of kids by that scene.

26) A Wayne Arnold sighting!

27) The head nun on the movie set...she's another looker. This movie's just full of them.

28) Pee Wee escapes with his bike and has his path blocked by a pink and blue elephant. I may be stating the obvious, but that reminds me of a joke. What do you kill a blue elephant with? A Blue Elephant Gun. What do you kill a pink elephant with? Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with a Blue Elephant Gun.

29) A couple of short 80's shorts sightings.

30) When the Warner Bros. security guard on the bike rips off Pee Wee's fake bike handle, I always thought I would have been pissed because the new handle that pops out had no tassles on it. That leaves only one handle with tassles. The bike's all uneven now.

31) If you notice, there's a Wicked Witch homage in the music during the bike chase.

32) The Pee Wee chase interrupts a Twisted Sister video that looks like it was the inspiration for the Rock Band opening.

33) Pee Wee launches himself over a fence onto the roof of a house with the cheesiest set of rockets ever shown on film.

34) When Pee Wee frees the baby chickens from the pet store fire, one takes a tumble down the step outside of the door. Poor little chicken.

35) Again, this movie is much older than I remember. Absolutely awful police cars.

36) A super spy with a beard? This must be an 80's flick. Not to mention...

37) ...the fight scene where the ninjas steal the X-1. I know that this is supposed to be cheeseball, but what was it about the 70's and 80's that made choreographers unable to create realistic movie fight scenes? A prime example - watch the original Bourne Identity. I turn it on a few months ago expecting Matt Damon to shove a pen into the hand of a European secret agent who for some reason is fighting with a back pack on, and I get Richard Chamberlain running on a cloudy European beach being chased by children. Later on he demonstrates the fighting style of a right handed person trying to throw lefty for the first time. And I know flat tops were at one time a hair style of choice, but this scene can't only look ridiculous in hind sight. I picture the director yelling a disgusted "Cut!" after suffering through another drunken Richard Chamberlain lunge masquerading as a punch, then berating the executive producer for slashing the fight choreography budget at the last minute.

38) Any remakes of this movie are going to have to get up to speed with our current political enemies. Pee Wee originally blames the Soviets for stealing his bike. The infidel Canadians would now have to be responsible.

39) Phil Hartman makes a cameo (he helped write the script) and is basically just playing Troy McClure before anyone knew who Troy McClure was.

40) The movie ends with Dottie and Pee Wee together riding bikes. Dottie has two tiny dogs in a basket on the front of her bike. Tiny dogs used to be used as jokes in Pee Wee Herman movies. Now people have special purses to carry them around in at the mall.

41) As it turns out, I really only missed a few scenes. I guess I'm just used to movies being over two hours. Mr. Wee's Big Adventure is only 90 minutes, so it felt like I came in at the middle.

42) You stink!

What I Learned from the Last Half of Pee Wee's Big Adventure - Part I

1) I always hated that guy who played Francis (Mark Holton). When I was a kid I probably just thought he was mean, now it's more likely because of his pale body and man boobs. Can't stand him. Just like the dad from Heavyweights (Tom McGowan). At least McGowan is from New Jersey. He's got that going for him.

2) Pee Wee is pretty damn funny. I laughed out loud a bunch of times, and they weren't "I haven't seen this in a long time and I've decided to sit through the whole thing so I might as well make it enjoyable" laughs. When Pee Wee is hitch hiking to San Antonio, and he's getting frustrated and bored, the scene cuts to him passed out laying halfway into the street - I genuinely cracked up.

3) Watching the cars go by during the hitch hiking scene made me realize that the movie is much older than I thought - 1985. I was thinking 1990-1992. It's older than both of my brothers.

4) It's funny watching kid movies as an adult because you pick up on little things. This, however, is not one of them. It can't be more obvious that Mickey (the guy who finally picks up Pee Wee) is an escaped violent criminal. He's wearing a prison uniform, he's wearing broken off hand cuffs, there's a police bulletin on the radio about an armed and dangerous escaped convict, Mickey at one point whips out a handgun, there's a police road block where they go through an entire sequence of tricking the cops into letting them go, and yet I still remember believing Mickey when he said he was wanted for cutting off one of the "do not remove" tags from a mattress.

5) What is Pee Wee wearing when he pretends to be Mickey's wife at the police road block? It's like a 1960's-refrigerator-green knitted wool poncho. Ridiculous.

6) Paul Reuben makes for a believable woman.

7) Another scene I laughed at: Pee Wee's driving at night and the road signs start getting out of control until finally boulders start crashing down all around them and Pee Wee drives off a cliff. They're saved by the retractable roof opening up into a parachute, letting them land safely. Comedy.

8) Large Marge utters the first line I remembered from memory - "It was the worst accident I ever seen." She then describes the sound of the accident as "a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building." Comedy.

9) Pee Wee sits down at the bar with the Large Marge shrine (it was her ghost after all if you don't remember, kids) and after he's finished eating, he realizes he's missing his wallet. Cut to Pee Wee washing dishes wearing a ridiculous hair net. Comedy. This scene also made me wonder what actually happens if you don't have the money to pay for your bill? I feel like they would just have you arrested or take your license or car keys and let you go to the ATM. I don't know about ATM availability in 1985 so maybe it was still the punishment of choice.

10) I forgot that a bunch of my early crushes were in this movie. Simone (Diane Salinger) the waitress, Dottie (Elizabeth Daily) and Tina the Alamo tour guide (Jan Hooks). Three hotties. Tres magnifique! Jan Hooks is still working for me, and although there's a good chance Dottie has had some, shall we say, plastic surgery, Liz is as well. Sadly, I can't say the same for Diane. Ahh, brings back memories of all my eighties celeb crushes - Kelly McGillis, Kelly LeBrock, Kerri Green (Andy in the Goonies - another Jerseyan, what what!), and Meg Ryan (the Top Gun and Innerspace era only).

11) The giant T-Rex where Pee Wee and Simone watch the sun rise is named Mr. Rex. His brother the Apatosaurus (if you call it a brontosaurus, paleontologists will beat you), is called Dinny the Dinosaur (pretty weak name if you ask me). They're now part of an intelligent design museum.

12) Examine this sequence: after avoiding a shower of boulders, Pee Wee drives off a cliff, only to be saved by a convertible top, then rides with a ghost in an 18 wheeler, watches the sun rise from the mouth of a T-Rex, gets chased by a Bluto-looking guy named Andy with a giant bone, hops into a freight train to escape, ends up getting laughed out of the Alamo because it doesn't have a basement, becomes a world-record-setting bull rider, temporarily loses his memory, is nearly killed in a biker bar but dances his way out of death to "Tequila," then is given a motorcycle which he doesn't know how to ride and proceeds to crash through a billboard. Pee Wee destroys Will Ferrell in the absurd comedy department. Better quality, much funnier.

Autism Links of the Day (03.01.2008)

NJCOSAC Resources Page - A comprehensive database of information on a wide range of topics from legal services and healthcare professionals to resources "en español" and adult day and vocational programs.

Autism Speaks - A New York City-based advocacy organization, founded in February 2005 to improve public awareness about autism and to promote autism research.

Facing Autism in New Brunswick - Harold L Doherty founded this blog after his son's diagnosis and subsequent realization that "locally at least, no serious efforts were being made to improve the lives of persons with Autism or to address the realities of Autism Disorder."

National Autism Association - Seeks to educate and empower families affected by autism and other neurological disorders, while advocating on behalf of those who cannot fight for their own rights.

Autism Society of America - A grassroots autism organization that exists to improve the lives of all affected by autism by increasing public awareness about the day-to-day issues faced by people on the spectrum, advocating for appropriate services for individuals across the lifespan, and providing the latest information regarding treatment, education, research and advocacy.

National Autism Center - A new non-profit organization the Center advocates for evidence-based treatment approaches, identifies effective programming and shares practical information with families about how to respond to the challenges they face. The Center also conducts applied research as well as develops training and service models for practitioners. Finally, the Center works to shape public policy concerning ASD and its treatment through the development and dissemination of national standards of practice.

Autism National Committee (AUTCOM) - AUTCOM is dedicated to "Social Justice for All Citizens with Autism" and was founded in 1990 to protect and advance the human rights and civil rights of all persons with autism, Pervasive Developmental Disorder, and related differences of communication and behavior.

Autism Spectrum Disorders - The National Institute of Mental Health's complete Health & Outreach guide to autism features an explanation of ASD and their diagnosis; presents research into causes and treatment; and discusses adults with ASD.

New Mommy Rant

I want to give a shout out to New Mommy Rant, the blog of someone I know that deals with becoming a new mother, the stress of daily life with a newborn to take care of, the constant concerns/worrying and some of the unexpected and funny situations you'll find yourself in each day. Here's some of my favorite stuff:

We were having a good ol' time doing Super Baby and then I felt something wet in my eye. Eliza is a drool queen so I figured it was just drool. The she started coughing and formula shot out of her nose and mouth. I am not sure how I could see this because I had a pool of vomit in my eye. GROSS! We ran to the bathroom and got cleaned up. Needless to say, that was the end of yoga for the day.

I don't know what happened to my placenta- and I don't care. haha I have seen people cook it on TV.

So check it out and thanks to 30 Minute Mommy, DH and Eliza for their support.