What I Learned from the Last Half of Pee Wee's Big Adventure - Part I

1) I always hated that guy who played Francis (Mark Holton). When I was a kid I probably just thought he was mean, now it's more likely because of his pale body and man boobs. Can't stand him. Just like the dad from Heavyweights (Tom McGowan). At least McGowan is from New Jersey. He's got that going for him.

2) Pee Wee is pretty damn funny. I laughed out loud a bunch of times, and they weren't "I haven't seen this in a long time and I've decided to sit through the whole thing so I might as well make it enjoyable" laughs. When Pee Wee is hitch hiking to San Antonio, and he's getting frustrated and bored, the scene cuts to him passed out laying halfway into the street - I genuinely cracked up.

3) Watching the cars go by during the hitch hiking scene made me realize that the movie is much older than I thought - 1985. I was thinking 1990-1992. It's older than both of my brothers.

4) It's funny watching kid movies as an adult because you pick up on little things. This, however, is not one of them. It can't be more obvious that Mickey (the guy who finally picks up Pee Wee) is an escaped violent criminal. He's wearing a prison uniform, he's wearing broken off hand cuffs, there's a police bulletin on the radio about an armed and dangerous escaped convict, Mickey at one point whips out a handgun, there's a police road block where they go through an entire sequence of tricking the cops into letting them go, and yet I still remember believing Mickey when he said he was wanted for cutting off one of the "do not remove" tags from a mattress.

5) What is Pee Wee wearing when he pretends to be Mickey's wife at the police road block? It's like a 1960's-refrigerator-green knitted wool poncho. Ridiculous.

6) Paul Reuben makes for a believable woman.

7) Another scene I laughed at: Pee Wee's driving at night and the road signs start getting out of control until finally boulders start crashing down all around them and Pee Wee drives off a cliff. They're saved by the retractable roof opening up into a parachute, letting them land safely. Comedy.

8) Large Marge utters the first line I remembered from memory - "It was the worst accident I ever seen." She then describes the sound of the accident as "a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building." Comedy.

9) Pee Wee sits down at the bar with the Large Marge shrine (it was her ghost after all if you don't remember, kids) and after he's finished eating, he realizes he's missing his wallet. Cut to Pee Wee washing dishes wearing a ridiculous hair net. Comedy. This scene also made me wonder what actually happens if you don't have the money to pay for your bill? I feel like they would just have you arrested or take your license or car keys and let you go to the ATM. I don't know about ATM availability in 1985 so maybe it was still the punishment of choice.

10) I forgot that a bunch of my early crushes were in this movie. Simone (Diane Salinger) the waitress, Dottie (Elizabeth Daily) and Tina the Alamo tour guide (Jan Hooks). Three hotties. Tres magnifique! Jan Hooks is still working for me, and although there's a good chance Dottie has had some, shall we say, plastic surgery, Liz is as well. Sadly, I can't say the same for Diane. Ahh, brings back memories of all my eighties celeb crushes - Kelly McGillis, Kelly LeBrock, Kerri Green (Andy in the Goonies - another Jerseyan, what what!), and Meg Ryan (the Top Gun and Innerspace era only).

11) The giant T-Rex where Pee Wee and Simone watch the sun rise is named Mr. Rex. His brother the Apatosaurus (if you call it a brontosaurus, paleontologists will beat you), is called Dinny the Dinosaur (pretty weak name if you ask me). They're now part of an intelligent design museum.

12) Examine this sequence: after avoiding a shower of boulders, Pee Wee drives off a cliff, only to be saved by a convertible top, then rides with a ghost in an 18 wheeler, watches the sun rise from the mouth of a T-Rex, gets chased by a Bluto-looking guy named Andy with a giant bone, hops into a freight train to escape, ends up getting laughed out of the Alamo because it doesn't have a basement, becomes a world-record-setting bull rider, temporarily loses his memory, is nearly killed in a biker bar but dances his way out of death to "Tequila," then is given a motorcycle which he doesn't know how to ride and proceeds to crash through a billboard. Pee Wee destroys Will Ferrell in the absurd comedy department. Better quality, much funnier.