The Fall of Communism

It being that Spring Break time of year, you can guess who's home this week, and knowing my nakedness theory, you know what there will be a lack of at the Schmidt residence during this second week of March. Or so I thought anyway.

I don't lock the bathroom door when I'm in there as I feel keeping an entire bathroom to myself when I'm only using it for one thing at a time is just a waste of resources. However, since no one else shares my philosophy, just my being in there is a de facto door locking. No one in my family sees eye to eye with me on this one.

I can see at least that no one wants to hang around brushing their teeth while you're taking a dump (yet no one in college had a problem as I recall), but if I'm in the shower, why not just come on in? There's complete separation via door or curtain. On top of that you've got a five to 10 minute window to accomplish your everyday bathroom tasks - brushing teeth, deodoranting, combing hair, cologning, adjusting your dentures, popping in your glass eye. Post-Mexican you might want to rethink your approach, but still, it's more than enough time to avoid witnessing a blood relative toweling those hard to reach spots.

So I continue to leave the door unlocked. Zach has come in a few times, but he still tells me that he's coming in. I won't be satisfied until someone walks in wordlessly, does their business whatever it may be and goes on their merry way (I think there's a good chance that last sentence will pop up in an X-rated Google search string in the near future).

That is until Dean walked into the unlocked bathroom while I was showering and stole all of my clothes, my towel and the floormat. He laughs and leaves, I say nothing, not wanting to give him the satisfaction but also figuring that he'll throw it all back in in a minute or so.

Minutes pass and the bathroom floor is still devoid. I figure he left it outside the door so I could grab it all without having to come out. Wrong again. I see my clothes on the couch and have to do a naked dash to grab the towel before anyone comes around the corner and sees me...except there's no towel in the pile. Bastard

Ironically, Dean's presence was now forcing me into nakedness in a house full of people. Go figure. I try to sneak into the other bathroom with the closet full of towels when my mom comes around the corner going for the same doorway.

"What are you doing?"
Dean stole my towel.
"I thought it was dirty and someone left it there so I put it downstairs." (Hands me a towel)
I need a floormat too. He stole everything.
(Laughing begins)

I tried to throw off the chains and all I got was laughed at for losing my towel. Sorry, Karl. Failed again.